Happy Valentine's Day

I dug this out from my RPI journalist days... enjoy.

V-Day found not all hearts, candy, and roses
Posted 02-12-2003 at 2:47PM
Ryan Reichert Senior Reporter

With Valentine’s Day rearing its head yet again there are people worldwide complaining about how their significant others are inconsiderate because they don’t buy bunches of roses and pounds of chocolate to commemorate this special event. Little do people realize—unless you’re really into researching random stuff in your spare time—that when Valentine’s Day began it had little to do with flowers and love in the form of concentrated sugar. Instead, like some other holidays, such as Easter—to name one of the more serious holidays now devoted to chocolate and bunnies—Valentine’s Day had both a somewhat grim yet promiscuous beginning.

There are at least three saints named Valentine throughout history who are said to have been martyred for the sake of love. Of course, this is according to the people who wrote the Bible, so one can never be completely sure. Anyhow, two of the more famous Valentines were a Roman priest and a bishop of Interamna, two famous Italian cities. Both of these men were put to death somewhere around February 14, and later buried in Flominian Way, the ancient the road leading to the entrance of Rome.

As far as the story of Bishop Valentine goes, in 270 A.D. Claudius II was the ruler of the Roman Empire and ruled that soldiers were not to be married because he saw married men as inferior soldiers, weakened by love. Secretly Valentine had been performing secret ceremonies and wedding young couples, sort of an underground Vegas drive-thru with a little more class.

Well, Claudius found out about this, like Roman emperors did, and had Valentine captured and tortured. When he then refused to stop his practices and renounce Catholicism, he was clubbed, stoned, and finally beheaded. Ouch. Now that’s really not a pretty way to go.

So many years went by, like they do, and the world was a fun place. I’m sure you’re all starting to wonder where the promiscuity comes into play. Well sit back, because it’s the fifth century A.D., and the Pagans are abounding. In celebration to their god of agriculture and shepherds, Lupercus, the Pagans held a festival around mid-February. Conveniently coincidental? I think not.

The month of February had become a month symbolizing love and courtship, and so what better way to celebrate than to worship a god of corn and sheep? Well, the Pagans had it down, and every year held a lottery in which willing young women entered their names into the drawing, and then the more than willing young men drew one name each. The two were then paired together for their “mutual pleasure” for the remainder of the year. Just think, you might not be alive today if there were contraceptives in the fifth century A.D..

Needless to say, this celebration of young men’s rites of passage was much frowned upon by the Catholic Church. Who would have guessed? So most likely in an effort to rid the world of sin, the big C.C. came in and said “No, no, no! This will not do,” and changed things around.

In 496 A.D. Pope Gelasius outlawed the Lupercian Festival. Gelasius wasn’t a stupid man though, and knew that the Roman people enjoyed their games. So in trying to make the whole lottery concept more pre-schooler friendly he devised a system where both men and women would draw names of saints, and then for the rest of the year imitate that saint’s life. Sounds like pre-PBS Mister Dress-Up to me, and you shouldn’t have to guess that the Romans much preferred the previous festivities.

In the end, the Pagans had their day, and reinstated the Festival of Lupercus, but instead geared it towards honoring Saint Valentine, and in courting their potential partners men wrote elaborate love letters and ballads expressing their sentiments. This, as you may have guessed, evolved into the modern day Hallmark Valentine card, and February 14 thus became Valentine’s Day.

So this V-Day be a good significant person, but don’t gorge on chocolates and die of pollen induced allergy attacks, but think about all the fun and excitement that went into making it a holiday. What better way to spend your time?! Additionally, I think the whole Pagan lottery idea is something the administration here at RPI should consider putting into effect. I’m sure it would go over wonderfully with a lot of people. So, the moral of this story: Be good. Be just. Hell, be romantic. Otherwise, like Claudius II said: “No head for you!”

Best bartending one-liner ever

So I'm working at the winery yesterday and I had one of those wonderful moments where the best reply comes right to you exactly when needed. I think it may be the best winery bartender line I've had every.

Scenario: Two women approach the bar to sample wine.
Setting: Grand River Cellars wine bar

Me: "Hi ladies - My name is Ryan. What will you be having today?"

Lady 1: "We're not sure, but we like sweet-ish."

Me: "Well...... I'm German."

END

A thoughtful quotation

Here's something a friend sent me today:

Be mindful of the link between present action and desired future outcome. Ask yourself: if I repeat today’s actions 365 times, will I be where I want to be in a year?